Is Conflict Healthy In Marriage?

Today my three-year-old daughter told my husband that she wants to be married. When he asked her why, she replied, "Because you get to be nice to one another".

Are you nice to your partner? Or do you find yourself involved in heated competition, endless cycles of discord, and/or tiresome critical thinking?

According to Diane Sollee, founder of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, LLC (CMFCE), "Every happy, successful couple has approximately ten areas of 'incompatibility' or disagreement that they will never resolve." In other words, it's possible to disagree with your spouse and still have a fulfilling relationship. It's all in how you do it.

Because you and your spouse may have ten issues that you will not be able to agree upon at any given time, how will you be able to resolve these conflicts and maintain a happy medium in your household?

First and foremost don't avoid or side step the concerns that each of you have. Conflict in marriage is not an "if", but rather a "when". And according to Sollee, avoidance is one of the key factors determining a couple's separation and divorce. Make sure you voice your opinions, but do it with the understanding that you don't need to change your spouse. Focus, rather, on the way you present yourself in times of conflict.

Secondly, welcome and embrace change. While you have committed to "love until death", you haven't promised to stay the same through the course of your life. Everyone is learning and growing at different paces and in different places. Don't let this growth, change the positive ways you act towards your husband or wife.

Next, understand that even if you were to divorce and remarry, you would still have to deal with the short comings of your new partner and they would have to deal with yours. You'd just have a new set of disagreements. Nobody's perfect. Realizing this fact and internalizing it, will give you a better grip on how to cope with the irreconcilable differences you have in your current marriage.

Finally, don't let your disagreements contaminate the rest of your relationship. Choose to exhibit positive behaviors towards your spouse. Deciding to become more affectionate or offering encouraging words on a regular basis can go a long way. It will get you through some tough times. Often partners eventually mirror each other's behavior inside and outside of their disagreements.

Don't let conflict put a sour taste in your relationship. If you want to have a healthy and happy marriage, your goal can be to agree with the understanding that disagreeing is a part of life.

By: Keishia Lee-Louis

Marriage With A Difference

A wedding is an occasion when two people tie their knots and start their life together. Since, the start of the civilization, this occasion is celebrated with lots of enthusiasm in every community. As soon as the boy or girl attains the right age of marriage, search for the suitable partner is set.

When a suitable match of equal status, qualifications and good family background is found, wedding date is decided. Generally, there are various pre wedding and post wedding ritual that are followed in a particular society. From ages they have been passed from generation to generation and are practiced even today.

A wedding is a ritual, time honored and sacred but that does not mean that wedding ceremony has to be like every other. Of course, some couples choose to be extremely original. They think of some unique ideas.

Some opt for exchanging vows on a roller coaster, while bungee jumping or even dressed as trekies. They find it good for uninhibited display of originality. But even if you prefer more traditional and peaceful wedding, you can still find creative ways to infuse in the ceremony with elements that are distinctive. You can browse ceremony ideas.

You can welcome your guests with a difference. You can serve a lemonade, iced tea or water. It’s a nice touch and guests will appreciate the gesture. You can use refreshment of choice to tie in the theme or style of the day, depending on the season or nature of the wedding. You can divert from the seasonal dishes and serve some unseasonable dishes in the main course.

It is not necessary that every wedding ceremony must take place in a house of worship. Unique locations or some outdoor sites can make for ceremonies that are both spiritual and memorable.

You can plan your wedding on a ship or on exchange your vows at the hilltop.

For the decorations also, you may not go for the traditional floral arrangements. Try some thing unique. How about draping framed photographs of the bride and groom tied with ribbon over the ends of each row?

During summer, you can put small bamboo fans on the walls. Keep the shape and style traditional, and include personal letter or poem to add some interest to this often overlooked detail. There are other ways to make entrance beyond the traditional march with your father. Ride in on a horse or be escorted by parents, a close uncle, friend or even a pet.

If you do not want to walk down the isle to the same song as thousands of brides and want to do something appealing, there’s no reason that you cannot substitute your favorite tune to make a memorable substitute. While choosing your “maid” of honor, you can go for a guy who happens to your best pal and instead have “a man of honor”. The same thing goes for the best man; there’s no reason why can’t be a “best woman”.

You can have a theme based invitation for the party. Chocolates shaped in heart can be send to the guests. While walking down the isle, you can hold a beautiful vase or bowl with a combined sand in two colors creating a visual representation of the union of two families.

You can put in your most colorful imaginations in your wedding plans and make it a memorable event.

By: Rafi Michael

Online Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling plays an important role in building healthy marriages. A good counselor helps resolve conflicts and establish long-lasting marital relationships. Marriages often fail because one or both of the couples refuse to seek the help of a counselor. The main reason for this is that people are generally unwilling to attend marriage counseling sessions in person. In such cases, online marriage counseling is a handy resource for solving family problems. Most of the counseling service centers provide online counseling to couples 24 hour a day. Saving time is one of the main advantages of choosing online marriage counseling.

Online marriage counseling offers confidential, affordable, flexible, and convenient services to the clients. Experienced online marriage counselors provide appropriate suggestions, solutions, and emotional support to couples via online chat, e-mail or over telephone. Joint telephone sessions are also offered on special charges.

Generally, the counselor gives you an online questionnaire in the beginning. After submitting the questionnaire, the counselor would give appropriate feedback and suggestions via e-mail. When consulting jointly, two questionnaires would be given. The average time of a counseling session is around two hours. You will be asked to pay an initial consultation fee after the submission of the online questionnaire.

Topics covered by an online marriage counselor include conflict management, children and family responsibilities, finance issues, role definition, intimacy and sexuality issues, communication skills, and family history.

Online marriage counseling may not be effective in all cases. There are limitations in handling emotional issues such as marriages through the Internet. It is difficult to gather all information regarding a husband-wife relation through a questionnaire. These are some among the drawbacks of online counseling. It is always safe to choose an online marriage therapist with the right certification. A counselor associated with a reputable professional organization would be an ideal choice.

By Ken Marlborough